You Can Keep Your Damn Bananas

World’s deadliest spider found in Tulsa store

TULSA, Okla. – One of the most deadly spiders in the world has been found in the produce section of a Tulsa grocery store. An employee of Whole Foods Market found the Brazilian Wandering Spider Sunday in bananas from Honduras and managed to catch it in a container.

The spider was given to University of Tulsa Animal Facilities director Terry Childs who said this type of spider kills more people than any other.

Childs said a bite will kill a person in about 25 minutes and while there is an antidote he doesn’t know of any in the Tulsa area.

Spiders often are found in imported produce, and a manager at Whole Foods says the store regularly checks its goods and that’s how the spider was found.

Here are some fun facts from the wiki article about these goddamn arachnids:

  • is known to hide in dark and moist places in or near human dwellings
  • These spiders are notorious both because of their toxic venom, and because they are not reluctant to attack people who appear threatening
  • P. nigriventer venom contains a potent neurotoxin . . . this neurotoxin causes loss of muscle control, and breathing problems, resulting in paralysis and eventual asphyxiation. In addition, the venom causes intense pain and inflammation following an attack
  • Aside from causing intense pain, the venom of the spider can also cause priapism – uncomfortable erections that can last for many hours and lead to impotence
  • usually search for cover and dark places to hide during daytime, leading it to hide within houses, clothes, cars, boots, boxes and log piles, thus generating accidents when people disturb it

Isn’t that nice? I’m all about nature and wilderness, but why does something like this really even need to exist, eh? I’m going to have the heebie jeebies all night now. These things can be as big as 5 inches. I would probably die just looking at it. Death by heart attack after squealing like a pig would be preferable to excruciating demise via raging boner.

UPDATE

Sounds like maybe the Tulsa critter wasn’t one of these uglies after all. Maybe, maybe not. Since the beast was destroyed — and rightfully so — we’ll never know.

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